Getting “Likes” In Real Life

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I do not have social media. Well, that’s kind of true. I do have an instagram and I use it to get my news. The news I’m talking about is which celebrity couples are divorcing. I like to be up on the news, my news, and instagram provides that for me. My account has zero followers and I have zero friends. I do not have a Facebook, Twitter, TikTok or anything thing else.

When I had my oldest son 11 years ago, I had a Facebook for about a month. Once he was born I didn’t feel comfortable posting him. So I deleted my account in total. But as time went on, and social media became more and more popular, I was grateful I didn’t have it. 

I am a bit of an introverted extrovert. I am fun and enjoy a social gathering when I go. But if I don’t go, I am equally thrilled to be at home, quietly watching the latest dateline.  So I was always content with not knowing what those around me were doing. I did often hear what others were doing from friends that were active on social media. I did not like the constant updating that was available to everyone on those platforms. It looked to me that everyone needed the entire world to know what they were doing to validate their own decisions. I am in a bit of a rebel in that I don’t particularly like to broadcast my personal life. Yet, I do like to write for this blog, but this feels like a safe space! 

I am not better than those who love and use social media. I just know that that amount of consumption of human behavior and activities makes me uneasy. But now I have kids. I have kids that we allow to use electronic devices. They have games they play with friends. But they do not have social media. Or should I say, they didn’t.

My middle son figured out a way to get TikTok. He is ten years old. This usage lasted a week before my husband and I deleted it. He is a normal ten year old and enjoyed making videos that were silly. He also enjoyed making horse back riding videos, which is a passion of his. But with that posting of the videos, became the beginning of the “like” obsession. 

What is a “like” really? Well when you are ten years old and you post a video that YOU like, you want others to like it also. It is human nature to want people to enjoy your ideas, personality or in these days; videos. The thing is though, one like is never enough. My son had hundreds. Hundreds of likes. He began checking every hour to see if his number of likes increased. When his screen time limits went up, he begged for more time. He cried for more time. He NEEDED more time to settle his brain. That is when my husband and I knew that this was a one time way ticket to an unhealthy activity. We saw that my son enjoyed those likes to much. So what I thought about was what if we all took a minute to try to get likes in REAL LIFE.  

So my son enjoyed making videos of horses. HE likes that. That is a like! What if that could be enough? My daughter likes to draw. When she is done the drawing, I’ll ask if she likes it. If she does, that is a like. My oldest son never quite cared about what anyone does, or says. He tends to like his own stuff just fine without the input of others. He seems to get the real value of liking his own thing and I LIKE that. 

When somebody gives you a compliment, it feels good. It is human nature to want to feel good. It makes complete sense why we as a society chase these “likes” on social media. But when somebody is clear that they don’t “like” you, it hits very hard. It is hard when that happens in real life, but behind a computer screen, it is a dangerous environment of hateful comments or chasing likes. Neither of these things are real. 

I want my kids to seek real connections. I want them to value their own opinion of themselves as the most important. I want them to LIKE themselves so much that they’ll never need another “like” other than their own.